I can’t believe I’m about to admit this. Some of you might think it’s hysterical. Some of you may think it’s gross. Some of you may have done it yourselves and many of you may have thought about it.
My kids sleep in the car – a lot. I drive around for hours a day getting my kids to nap. I swear, between the gas being used and my Dunkin’ Donuts addiction, my children must have the most expensive naps in the world! It’s a good thing I don’t have to pay for mileage!
Anyway, that’s not the part I’m embarrassed to admit. We went to the zoo the other day while on vacation at the shore. By the time we left, we were all exhausted and I couldn’t walk another step. I finally got my son to pee in his portable potty that we keep in the car (best thing ever). I got both kids strapped in to their car seats. Then, I realized that I had to go too. However, I just couldn’t make it across the parking lot to the restroom in the playground area. It was too much of a pain to unstrap both kids, too far of a walk for my tired feet, and too risky having the temptation of the playground right there. I was going to have to hold it. You would think that by now I would have learned my lesson, but it seems that I am a glutton for punishment.
I started the car and headed out of the zoo with the intention of going back to the beach house where I could borrow another adult to watch my kids while I ran in to use the facilities. But then, my husband called. Since I had the car, he had taken a bus to a town about 40 miles north of where we were. He was looking for his next bus to get to us. I told him the kids had just fallen asleep and I’d be driving around for the next two hours anyway, I might as well come pick him up.
So, I went in the opposite direction of the house. I went away from all the people who could help me. I went away from the nearest bathroom.
The more I thought about it, the more desperate I got. But as much as I needed to go, there was no way I was waking up my kids.
I often daydream about all of the businesses that should have drive-thrus when I’m driving around with my sleeping babies. At this moment, a drive-in bathroom stall seemed like a really good idea.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my saving grace… my son’s portable potty. No, I thought. I wouldn’t dare. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. Should I? Could I? Do I dare?
I pulled into an unpopulated parking lot and stared at the thing. “You know you want to,” it seemed to say to me. It’s times like these that being a man would be so much easier.
I looked around. I was alone. No one would be the wiser.
I shimmied. I adjusted. I wiggled. I covered up. I peed. I sighed a sigh of sweet relief.
I put away and disposed of everything that needed to be put away and disposed of and I got back in the driver’s seat.
I giggled. No one would be the wiser.