Stuck Under a Baby

Category: cosleeping

But, Oh, Oh, Those Summer Nights

I hate the winter. Sure, I love the holiday season and the twinkling of Christmas lights (which, by the way, I feel should be required to stay up until at least Presidents’ Day), but the whole getting dark at 4 o’clock thing really sucks. The day seems to be over so quickly, I want to be in my pajamas before I’ve even had dinner, and I feel as if I should be asleep by 6 pm. I hate the short winter days and long winter nights. Well, I did. Then I had children.

Oh, how I used to long for these summer nights. The sun setting after 9 pm, having dinner and drinks outside on a patio, going for walks, and basking in the glow of firefly lights. But now that I have kids, I am finding it harder to enjoy these summer nights. Our days are great – we’re playing, we’re learning, we’re enjoying our time together. Our nights, however, are much more challenging. At 7 pm, bathed and fed, my children want nothing more than to go back outside to play and get dirty in the garden or go for yet another bike ride. With the sun still shining so bright, it is hard to convince them that it is actually nearing bedtime.

Keeping the lights in the house low does nothing. Blackout curtains do nothing (the light still seems to find its way in). Using “The Force” to try and make the sun go down earlier does nothing. It has become next to impossible to get my kids to bed before 9 o’clock. Of course, this also does not mean that they sleep in the next morning. Oh, no. When the light peeks in through the “blackout” (yeah, right) curtains, they start tossing and turning. They may doze on and off for a while longer, but every stir reawakens me.

At 5:01 am, I lay there and pray that they will fall back asleep. At 5:38 am, I wonder why Bear needs to nurse again when she just did for the past half hour. At 5:59 am, I think that no one should have to be up this early. At 6:02 am, I debate whether or not I should get up and go to the bathroom, knowing that if I move an inch, I will wake someone under the age of five. At 6:42 am, I am thankful that Bear fell back asleep for almost another hour (and so did I, for part of it at least). At 6:58 am, knowing that both kids will be up for the day soon, I think how nice it would be if they each had a snooze button on their forehead. At 7:15 am, I try to ignore the fact that I am getting jumped on by one or two tiny creatures. At 7:16 am, someone lands on my bladder, making me rethink my 6:02 am decision. At 7:30 am, everyone is awake and I wish I hadn’t gone to bed at 2:00 am… again.

My point is, I guess, that I still love the summer – ice cream, beaches, carnivals, fresh fruits and veggies from our garden, and much more. But, I could really do without the daily bedtime battle. So, summer solstice, can you do me a favor and stay away for the next 10 years or so? Because if you keep this up much longer, I’m going to turn into a crazy lady who starts boarding up her windows come March. Much mahalos.

June 21, 2013
1,461 Days (A Letter To My Son on His Fourth Birthday)

My Dear Son,

For 1,461 days I have held your hand, carried you close, and stroked your hair.

For 1,461 days I have wiped away your tears, kissed your boo boos, wrestled with you, and tickled you until your belly ached.

For 1,461 days I have nursed you, nourished you, protected you, and bonded with you.

For 1,461 days I have watched you grow, learn, and develop your own unique personality.

For 1,461 days I have laughed with you, cried with you, and worried sick about you.

For 1,461 days I have cheered you on when you won and comforted you when you lost.

For 1,461 days I have watched you become more confident, develop a sense of humor, learn how to share and play well with others, and grow your imagination.

Photo on left: One minute old, February 18, 2009 / Photo on right: 4 years old, February 18, 2013

For 1,461 days I have pushed you to explore the world and have offered a warm lap and open arms when it was too much. For 1,461 days I have rocked you, walked with you, and driven you in circles just so you could get the rest you needed.

For 1,461 days I have cooked for you and re-cooked for you when you weren’t happy with the first selection.

For 1,461 days I have watched you crawl, walk, run, jump, hop, and ride a bicycle.

For 1,461 days I have slept by your side, listened to you breathe, and rested my hand on your beating heart.

For 1,461 days I have read to you, played with you, given you opportunities to investigate and make your own discoveries, and tried to empower you with knowledge.

For 1,461 days I have sung to you, made up stories for you, and listened to your every word.

For 1,461 days I have wished for you, prayed for you, and dreamed big dreams for you.

For 1,461 days I have loved you more and more.

For 1,461 days you have made my world… this world… a better place.

Happy fourth birthday, my darling boy.

Love,

-Mama

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If you liked this post, you may also like:

Mama’s Yellow Chair:

You Can’t Spoil a Baby:

February 20, 2013
Musical Beds: Adventures in Co-Sleeping
We are a co-sleeping family. It’s completely wonderful and miserable at the same time. Long gone are the days of spooning with my husband. Long gone are the days of rolling over. Long gone are the days of getting up to pee without waking everyone else in the house.

I’ve seen many an image of moms and babes cuddled up in blissful slumber and oh so sweet photos of dads and toddlers all snuggled up peacefully dreaming together. In reality, in MY reality at least, it doesn’t usually look like that, especially since I have children who have never, in three and a half years, ever slept through the night.

At home, we have a king-sized bed with an adjacent unused toddler bed. Our nights usually end up with a few shifts in positions and snuggle partners; however, while visiting my in-laws this week, THIS is what happened. Warning: Do not try this at home.

The Game:

Musical Beds

The Playing Field:

One queen-sized bed
One twin-sized air mattress on the floor at the foot of the queen-sized bed

The Players:

Mama (Me)
Papa (My hubby)
Monkey (our 3.5 year old son)
Bear (our 1 year old daughter)

Round 1:

Mama and Bear in big bed.

Round 2:

Bear in big bed. (Mama in the bathroom.)
Papa and Monkey in little bed.

Round 3:

Papa and Bear in big bed.
Mama and Monkey in little bed.

Round 4:

Mama, Papa, and Bear in big bed.
Monkey in little bed.

Round 5:

Papa, Monkey, and Bear in big bed.
Mama in little bed.

Round 6:

Papa and Monkey in big bed.
Mama and Bear in little bed.

Round 7:

Mama and Monkey in big bed.
Papa and Bear in little bed.

Round 8:

Mama, Monkey, and Bear in big bed.
Papa in little bed.

Round 9:

Mama, Monkey, Bear, and Papa all in big bed – sleeping sideways with feet dangling off the end.

Needless to say, we were all exhausted the next day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you liked this post, you may also want to check these out:
October 13, 2012
My Rainbow Connection – My Toddler, My Baby, and Me

Last night was difficult. My husband has had to work late all week, and tonight was no exception. After dinner, I got my baby girl to sleep pretty easily. My son was a bit riled up from a spontaneous visit by his grandparents, but I finally got him to settle down soon after they left. Just as I was about to put him to bed, my daughter woke up. I tried to settle her, but she wouldn’t go back to sleep. Meanwhile, my son sat on (yes, on) my feet quietly playing Angry Birds on my phone. I wasn’t thrilled with this activity, but he didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t have many other options for keeping him quiet and entertained. My daughter kept dozing back off, but every time we tried to leave, she’d wake up again. My son was starting to lose patience and started climbing on me and making silly noises, thus prolonging the whole process.

I eventually gave up on getting my daughter back to sleep, knowing that she is the easier one to put back down. I sat her in her bouncy seat and decided to concentrate on getting my son to bed. I put his pajamas on him, nursed him, gave him his vitamins, and brushed his teeth. I shut off the light and the three of us climbed into bed. By the glow of a flashlight, he “read” me The Napping House and then it was my turn to read it to both of my children. I kissed them each goodnight. I put my daughter in the co-sleeper next to my bed and had my son lie down in his spot (in the center of our bed). He wanted me to snuggle with him, but I needed to nurse my daughter back to sleep. I explained this and offered him my foot. It sounds funny, I know, but he needed to feel connected any way he could. He cuddled with my foot as if it were a teddy bear. After a bit of fussing, my daughter finally fell back asleep. I then scooted my son over (as he was now lying on top of my legs) and snuggled up close to him. He fell asleep in my arms to a lullaby rendition of The Rainbow Connection.

From chaos came peace. I got a little teary eyed as I lay there. Earlier, I was thinking “How in the world am I going to do this?” But there I was. I had done it. I got them both to sleep at the same time. By myself. And it wasn’t easy. But, I did it. I was a mother to my children. There was the something that I was supposed to be. Somehow I found it, my Rainbow Connection – my toddler, my baby, and me. La da da dee da da doo, la da da da da dee da doo.

The Rainbow Connection: http://youtu.be/jSFLZ-MzIhM

March 1, 2012
Reach Out and Touch Someone

The phrase “Reach Out and Touch Someone” from a Bell System phone commercial of many years ago has been stuck in my head recently. Over the last two weeks, it has become my mantra. I was feeling disconnected from my toddler son and didn’t know how to remedy it.

My son and I were attached… very attached. As a baby, he never liked to be put down. I used to wear him all the time, nurse him on demand, sleep with him on my lap or snuggled next to me, and even sit next to him in the back seat of the car when someone else was driving. As he got older and more independent, he wanted to walk on his own rather than be carried. He was nursing less frequently. Soon before my baby girl arrived, we installed her carseat in the back which eliminated my spot. Now that my baby girl is here, she and I have started sleeping in a different room to avoid having the kids wake each other up. My son and I have lost a lot of our physical (and, as a result, some emotional) connection. I think both of us started feeling the effects of this separation.

My baby girl is now being worn all the time, nursing on demand, and sleeping snuggled next to me. Occasionally, I have to squeeze into the back seat of the car to sit next to her if she really needs me to. My son is off playing and doing things toddler boys do. He is growing so fast, getting so big, and becoming more independent each day. But he still needs his mama, and his mama still needs him. My biggest question became how do I reconnect with my son?

I recently went to a free program in my town for little ones and their caregivers. I ran into a friend who is a very like-minded parent. I watched as she wore and cared for her baby boy and still maintained a strong connection to her toddler. He would wander off and go investigate a new toy or book, but would come back periodically for a “recharge.” His mother would squeeze him tight and give him a kiss and then he would happily wander off again. I had a feeling that she was on to something. This simply might be what my son and I needed. Just as we plug in our phones to recharge the battery when it starts getting low, we needed to plug in to each other to recharge our physical and emotional batteries.

When we left the program, I talked to my son about “recharging.” I explained to him that sometimes Mama needed an extra hug or kiss and sometimes he might need one. Recharges are non-negotiable. If someone needs a recharge, everything else stops and we wrap our arms around each other and squeeze until we have enough power to last us a while. I wasn’t sure how he’d respond to this concept. In the beginning, I initiated almost all of our recharges, but he happily complied. During the past week, he has been asking for more and more, and has even recharged with others including his father and grandmother. Overall, he seems happier, is feeling more connected and loved, and is reminded that we are here for him whenever he needs us.

Having noticed a difference in his demeanor and behavior, I have made a conscious effort to be a lot more affectionate towards him. We wrestle, have tickle fights, and blow raspberries on our tummies. If we’re sitting near each other, I try to physically connect to him somehow – either inviting him to sit on my lap, putting my arm around him, or just placing my hand on his knee. I can’t always get him to hold my hand while walking, but I certainly do try.

I have reached out and touched someone… a very important someone. A hug, a kiss, a squeeze, and/or a loving touch have made a world of difference in our lives. We have been revitalized. We have been reconnected. We have been recharged.

February 15, 2012
You Can’t Spoil a Baby!

Tonight, while in a restaurant, I was wearing my baby girl in my Moby Wrap. The hostess asked me what it was called and I happily told her and explained how it worked. (I swear, Moby Wrap should give me commission for how many people I’ve referred to them!) She told me that her niece who lives with her has a three month old daughter who always wants to be held and snuggled. I commented that both my kids were/are the same way. Her niece has been receiving a lot of pressure from outside sources to put the baby down and let her fuss a bit, because, as many of us have been told, they were going to “spoil the baby.” However, they have decided to go with their guts, respond quickly to the baby’s cries, and hold her if she wants to be held. Not surprisingly, they have all been happier. I smiled and told her how wonderful I thought that was and, of course, I reassured her that you can’t spoil a baby!

The hostess also told me that her niece sleeps in the bed with her baby (who has never slept in the crib or bassinet). She said that the baby sleeps very well when cuddled up to her mother, but can’t seem to sleep any other way. She thought I was going to be horrified. Again, I smiled and told her how wonderful I thought that was and, again, I reassured her that you can’t spoil a baby! The same people mentioned above have also been pressuring her niece not to sleep with her child and to make the baby sleep in a crib. They also suggest that the mother let the baby cry. To this, I was horrified. At three months old, the baby is not trying to manipulate anyone. She is crying to express a need – a need to be held, a need to be reassured, a need to be fed or changed or burped, a need to be loved. The hostess seemed to know this deep down inside. She looked relieved when I told her that we are also a co-sleeping family (our baby daughter in the co-sleeper attached to our bed and our toddler son in between us) who respond quickly to our children’s needs. She asked if we were concerned that our children would never leave our bed. I joked that I highly doubted that our kids would still be sleeping in our bed when they were teenagers. They’ll be out of there eventually, but until then, we are going to enjoy every last cuddle (well, except the ones with feet in our faces).

My reassurances seemed to lift her spirits a bit. Suddenly, the choices her niece has made no longer seem so strange, dangerous, or atypical. They were acceptable, applauded, and encouraged… well, by me anyhow. It’s ok to hold or wear your baby. It’s ok to respond to your baby’s cries. It’s ok to sleep with your baby (in a safe manner, of course). You can’t spoil a baby! I hope that my words of support will help her and her niece continue parenting in the way that feels right to them. I hope that they continue to do what works for their family and not cave to pressure of the outside world. I hope I helped someone tonight.

Here are some interesting links:

Babywearing:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/baby-wearing/benefits-babywearing

Spoiling:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/spoiling

Safe co-sleeping:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/sids-latest-research-how-sleeping-your-baby-safe

February 12, 2012