Stuck Under a Baby

Category: babywearing

  • 1,461 Days (A Letter To My Son on His Fourth Birthday)

    My Dear Son,

    For 1,461 days I have held your hand, carried you close, and stroked your hair.

    For 1,461 days I have wiped away your tears, kissed your boo boos, wrestled with you, and tickled you until your belly ached.

    For 1,461 days I have nursed you, nourished you, protected you, and bonded with you.

    For 1,461 days I have watched you grow, learn, and develop your own unique personality.

    For 1,461 days I have laughed with you, cried with you, and worried sick about you.

    For 1,461 days I have cheered you on when you won and comforted you when you lost.

    For 1,461 days I have watched you become more confident, develop a sense of humor, learn how to share and play well with others, and grow your imagination.

    2013-02-18 Collage
    Photo on left: One minute old, February 18, 2009 / Photo on right: 4 years old, February 18, 2013

    For 1,461 days I have pushed you to explore the world and have offered a warm lap and open arms when it was too much. For 1,461 days I have rocked you, walked with you, and driven you in circles just so you could get the rest you needed.

    For 1,461 days I have cooked for you and re-cooked for you when you weren’t happy with the first selection.

    For 1,461 days I have watched you crawl, walk, run, jump, hop, and ride a bicycle.

    For 1,461 days I have slept by your side, listened to you breathe, and rested my hand on your beating heart.

    For 1,461 days I have read to you, played with you, given you opportunities to investigate and make your own discoveries, and tried to empower you with knowledge.

    For 1,461 days I have sung to you, made up stories for you, and listened to your every word.

    For 1,461 days I have wished for you, prayed for you, and dreamed big dreams for you.

    For 1,461 days I have loved you more and more.

    For 1,461 days you have made my world… this world… a better place.

    Happy fourth birthday, my darling boy.

    Love,

    -Mama

    *************************

    If you liked this post, you may also like:

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     You Can’t Spoil a Baby:

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  • The Kindness of Strangers Experiment (Because We All Need a Helping Hand Sometimes)

    Being a mom with a toddler and a baby is a difficult job, there’s no denying that. As hard as it is, it is also difficult to admit sometimes that we occasionally need a helping hand. We are all supermoms in our own right, so to ask for help can be frustrating and make us feel less capable than we really are.

    I have recently had situations where I have needed assistance and did not receive it from passersby or the folks around me. Two stories come to mind.

    First, I was out for a walk with my children – my baby girl was in the wrap and my toddler son was walking along side his stroller. I stopped to tie his shoe and didn’t put the brake on the stroller since no one was in it. As I bent down, the stroller began to roll off the sidewalk and into the street. Before I could catch it, the stroller toppled off of the curb and flipped over in the street between two parked cars, spilling coffee and whatever was in the bucket underneath everywhere. There’s me, trying to keep my curious boy from walking into the street to see what happened, keep my baby girl’s head from flopping around too much as I try to right the stroller, and keep whatever coffee was left in the travel mug from spilling all over me. Two women walked by this ridiculous scene. Instead of asking “Are you ok? Can we help you?” or anything like that, I heard one of them “Tsk” and say to her friend, “Good thing there was no kid in there!” Thanks, lady. They did nothing to help. They just walked on by. I managed, which I always do, but some assistance (or even just them checking in with me) would have been appreciated.

    Second, while traveling alone with the kids in Washington DC while my husband attended a conference, my stroller got closed in the doors of the Metro. I was, once again, wearing a sleeping baby and holding onto a toddler who was, once again, walking along side his stroller, and I was stuck. I yelled for someone on the train or the platform to help me and no one did. I yelled again. Still no help. I yelled louder “Could someone PLEASE help me!?!” which made my son started to get a little scared. Finally, a little old lady got out of her seat and tried to pry the doors open while other very capable men and women looked on. One other person also eventually got the hint and got up to assist, but only after he realized that the frail gray-haired woman couldn’t pull the doors apart by herself.

    There are a number of other occasions where people have seen me struggling a bit and have not offered their assistance. I’ve had doors hit me when people can’t bother to hold them open, I’ve had people watch me scramble after a grocery shopping bag ripped open spilling canned goods all over the parking lot of the supermarket, and I’ve waited in intersections to cross the street with both kids in extremely cold weather or heavy rain or snow as cars sped by splashing us instead of allowing us to cross safely. What has happened to simple human decency?

    I don’t like needing help and I especially don’t like asking for it… I’m stubborn like that. But these experiences have made me curious about people and what some folks are willing to do for a mom they’ve never met. I am certainly no martyr nor will I ever be a damsel in distress. However, I have decided to start my own little social experiment in a series I’m calling “The Kindness of Strangers.”  My intention is to ask for help when I could use a helping hand or take people up on their offers to assist me. There won’t be any TV cameras nor will anybody be “served.” It will just be about people helping people. I’m curious as to what will happen and I’m hoping to have some of my faith in people restored. To be continued…

  • Reach Out and Touch Someone

    The phrase “Reach Out and Touch Someone” from a Bell System phone commercial of many years ago has been stuck in my head recently.  Over the last two weeks, it has become my mantra.  I was feeling disconnected from my toddler son and didn’t know how to remedy it.

    My son and I were attached… very attached.  As a baby, he never liked to be put down.  I used to wear him all the time, nurse him on demand, sleep with him on my lap or snuggled next to me, and even sit next to him in the back seat of the car when someone else was driving.  As he got older and more independent, he wanted to walk on his own rather than be carried.  He was nursing less frequently.  Soon before my baby girl arrived, we installed her carseat in the back which eliminated my spot.  Now that my baby girl is here, she and I have started sleeping in a different room to avoid having the kids wake each other up.  My son and I have lost a lot of our physical (and, as a result, some emotional) connection.  I think both of us started feeling the effects of this separation.

    My baby girl is now being worn all the time, nursing on demand, and sleeping snuggled next to me.  Occasionally, I have to squeeze into the back seat of the car to sit next to her if she really needs me to.  My son is off playing and doing things toddler boys do.  He is growing so fast, getting so big, and becoming more independent each day.  But he still needs his mama, and his mama still needs him.  My biggest question became how do I reconnect with my son?

    I recently went to a free program in my town for little ones and their caregivers.  I ran into a friend who is a very like-minded parent.  I watched as she wore and cared for her baby boy and still maintained a strong connection to her toddler.  He would wander off and go investigate a new toy or book, but would come back periodically for a “recharge.”  His mother would squeeze him tight and give him a kiss and then he would happily wander off again.  I had a feeling that she was on to something.  This simply might be what my son and I needed.  Just as we plug in our phones to recharge the battery when it starts getting low, we needed to plug in to each other to recharge our physical and emotional batteries.

    When we left the program, I talked to my son about “recharging.”  I explained to him that sometimes Mama needed an extra hug or kiss and sometimes he might need one.  Recharges are non-negotiable.  If someone needs a recharge, everything else stops and we wrap our arms around each other and squeeze until we have enough power to last us a while.  I wasn’t sure how he’d respond to this concept.  In the beginning, I initiated almost all of our recharges, but he happily complied.  During the past week, he has been asking for more and more, and has even recharged with others including his father and grandmother.  Overall, he seems happier, is feeling more connected and loved, and is reminded that we are here for him whenever he needs us.

    Having noticed a difference in his demeanor and behavior, I have made a conscious effort to be a lot more affectionate towards him.  We wrestle, have tickle fights, and blow raspberries on our tummies.  If we’re sitting near each other, I try to physically connect to him somehow – either inviting him to sit on my lap, putting my arm around him, or just placing my hand on his knee.  I can’t always get him to hold my hand while walking, but I certainly do try.

    I have reached out and touched someone… a very important someone.  A hug, a kiss, a squeeze, and/or a loving touch have made a world of difference in our lives.  We have been revitalized.  We have been reconnected.  We have been recharged.

  • You Can’t Spoil a Baby!

    Tonight, while in a restaurant, I was wearing my baby girl in my Moby Wrap.  The hostess asked me what it was called and I happily told her and explained how it worked.  (I swear, Moby Wrap should give me commission for how many people I’ve referred to them!)  She told me that her niece who lives with her has a three month old daughter who always wants to be held and snuggled.  I commented that both my kids were/are the same way.  Her niece has been receiving a lot of pressure from outside sources to put the baby down and let her fuss a bit, because, as many of us have been told, they were going to “spoil the baby.”  However, they have decided to go with their guts, respond quickly to the baby’s cries, and hold her if she wants to be held.  Not surprisingly, they have all been happier.  I smiled and told her how wonderful I thought that was and, of course, I reassured her that you can’t spoil a baby!

    The hostess also told me that her niece sleeps in the bed with her baby (who has never slept in the crib or bassinet).  She said that the baby sleeps very well when cuddled up to her mother, but can’t seem to sleep any other way.  She thought I was going to be horrified.  Again, I smiled and told her how wonderful I thought that was and, again, I reassured her that you can’t spoil a baby!  The same people mentioned above have also been pressuring her niece not to sleep with her child and to make the baby sleep in a crib.  They also suggest that the mother let the baby cry.  To this, I was horrified.  At three months old, the baby is not trying to manipulate anyone.  She is crying to express a need – a need to be held, a need to be reassured, a need to be fed or changed or burped, a need to be loved.  The hostess seemed to know this deep down inside.  She looked relieved when I told her that we are also a co-sleeping family (our baby daughter in the co-sleeper attached to our bed and our toddler son in between us) who respond quickly to our children’s needs.  She asked if we were concerned that our children would never leave our bed.  I joked that I highly doubted that our kids would still be sleeping in our bed when they were teenagers.  They’ll be out of there eventually, but until then, we are going to enjoy every last cuddle (well, except the ones with feet in our faces).

    My reassurances seemed to lift her spirits a bit.  Suddenly, the choices her niece has made no longer seem so strange, dangerous, or atypical.  They were acceptable, applauded, and encouraged… well, by me anyhow.  It’s ok to hold or wear your baby.  It’s ok to respond to your baby’s cries.  It’s ok to sleep with your baby (in a safe manner, of course).  You can’t spoil a baby!  I hope that my words of support will help her and her niece continue parenting in the way that feels right to them.  I hope that they continue to do what works for their family and not cave to pressure of the outside world.  I hope I helped someone tonight.

    Here are some interesting links:

    Babywearing:

    http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/baby-wearing/benefits-babywearing

    Spoiling:

    http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/spoiling

    Safe co-sleeping:

    http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/sids-latest-research-how-sleeping-your-baby-safe